I want you so much, but I hate your guts
by WaitingAmy
Summary: Victoria Addams works for a big company in the middle of London. She loves her job, that is until the company works together with a client she learns to despise... or at least that's what she should do. "Landfill" by Daughter, one of the most beautiful songs ever written and sung. A Richard Armitage fanfic.
1. Throw me in a landfill

_**Throw me in a landfill**_

 _ **Don't think about the consequences**_

 _ **Throw me in the dirt pit**_

 _ **Don't think about the choices that you make**_

 _ **Throw me in the water**_

 _ **Don't think about the splash I will create**_

"No… I'd really rather not go…" I whined into the phone while putting down my mug of tea on the table, inhaling the smell of peppermint and ginger, swirling the tea bag in the steaming liquid.

"Oh come on! It will be fun! I'll be there…and Hanna and Marie, oh and Josh said he'll be there too! And Tom and Susan…" My friend Alice kept going, her voice sounding too excited for my liking.

I picked up the mug again and sighed. "…and HIM." I finished Alice's long list of friends and colleagues...all of which were planning on attending the party this evening, a party held by one of our colleagues from the office. I took another sip of my tea.

"Now come on, Tori! You're just sitting there and mopping around and drinking tea. Yes, I can hear that!" This got a little chuckle out of me. "And yes, he'll be there… But, like I already pointed out, tons of other people too. People you're not constantly fighting with, people you don't hate and that want you there. Your book and tea can wait."

I huffed. Could Hemingway really wait? Or Kate Atkinson? I hadn't made up my mind yet on what to read that evening.

Alice apparently just entered her apartment. I heard the distinct clonk of her shoes hitting the floor, the rustling as she shrugged out of her coat and plumped down on her sofa. "Please, Tori."

I huffed again. Alice already knew that she won. Whenever she pleaded for something… I just couldn't say no to my best friend. "Alright… But I'm not gonna go all stylish and stuff! I won't let him ridicule me…again." That one time at the Christmas dinner last year was definitely enough. I had been wearing a burgundy red dress, had my dark brown hair flowing down my back and my blue eyes accentuated by Alice and her makeup skills. I felt _beautiful_. The invitation said to dress festively and I wasn't overly styled. But he still managed to criticize everything about me in the most fascinating way while sauntering around the room in his perfectly tailored suit and shiny shoes, his dark hair and blue eyes the perfect mirror of my own. He made me feel inferior and I hated him for it.

"I hate his guts" I clenched through my teeth, the statement itself making me angry.

Alice sighed an "I know" in return. "But I'll be there…and the others. It will be fun, okay?"

I put the mug back on the table, a bit too forcefully, and got up from my chair. "I'm gonna go shower now. See you in an hour. Just let yourself in."

Alice squealed and hung up.

I stood in front of my closet and contemplated what to wear. Every piece of clothing left me with endless possibilities of how he could degrade me, humiliate me in his dark and deep timbre of a voice.

The royal blue cocktail dress – _Don't mistake yourself for a blue blood, darling… Your aloofness over all fault does not make you a queen... Or do you think you're better than us?_

The jeans mini skirt – _Did you mistake this location with the establishment in the alley around the corner or… is your newest male conquest member of a biker gang?_

The slack pants with a blouse – _Hello, Miss Goody two-shoes… Wouldn't want to grant anybody lower than yourself a glimpse at your alabaster skin or are you just too professional to loosen up?_

I let out a frustrated growl and stomped around my bedroom, stepping on socks and shirts and dresses.

"Whatever happened here?!" Came a shriek from the door. Alice stood there, bottle of wine in hand and a weird expression on her face. "What are you doing? Unless you want to go in your underwear, which I really hope you're not planning on, you need to get dressed. Did you already raid your alcohol stash or what's wrong with you?"

I grabbed the wine bottle from her. "I need your help. Pick something for me, please… I can't decide." I won't decide.

She picked up an emerald green summer dress and a pair of black heels. "Here, my ever so lovely Slytherin." I rolled my eyes and put on the dress and the shoes and… I felt _beautiful_. Not good.

"I can't wear that." The simple statement left my lips before I could stop the words.

Alice scowled at me, her hands on her hips. "And why is that?"

I threw my hands in the air. "Because the last time I felt beautiful he – "

"Oh no, don't you get started on this again! Stop it, stop it, _stop it_! When, please tell me, when did your life start to evolve around him? He's just a guy we worked with on a project! A nice enough one – " I huffed yet again. "Well, yes he is! God knows why he acts this peculiar way towards you, Tori, but he is nothing less than the perfect gentleman with everyone else. And you know that. So please, just let us have some fun tonight, okay?"

She didn't even give me the chance to respond and steered me towards my bathroom where she got started on my hair and makeup and not even half an hour later we were in a taxi on our way to the party.

 _ **Leave me at the altar**_

 _ **Knowing all the things you just escaped**_


	2. Push me out to sea

**Push me out to sea**

 **On a little boat that you made**

 **Out of the evergreen that you helped your father cut away**

The cab was driving quietly through the rainy streets of London and I was lost in my reverie. Alice was texting with someone, most likely her brother who was studying abroad at the moment, and I was left thinking about her earlier question.

When, please tell me, when did your life start to evolve around him? He's just a guy we worked with on a project!

Alice was, of course, right. He was just a guy we had to work with on a project together, a client who needed our help to organize a mammoth charity project. Charity! I shook my head. Charity… Alice was right, he was a decent gentleman, a selfless one, too, apparently. I took a sip from the wine bottle Alice had brought with her to my place and sighed, leaning my head against the window. He was an enigma. Why did he treat me this way? Why go out of his way to ridicule me in the most fanciest manner possible and leave me standing, staring after him with nothing but rage pulsing through my veins. And maybe a tiny bit of longing…

Woah, hold your horses there for a moment! Where did that come from?

More wine…

Alice grabbed the bottle from my hand before I could take another swig of the sweet liquid. "Nope, a lady never arrives intoxicated. She waits politely for everybody else present to make a fool out of themselves first. Only then does she follow suit…", she said laughing.

"Oh bugger off!" was my grumbled reply.

She gave me a weird look. "Alright, what's the problem? It's not like you to get all… insecure to the point where you try to replace courage with alcohol."

I looked her in the eye and saw her features soften, an action brought on by whatever she must have seen in my face.

"It's about him, isn't it? His presence there?"

I stayed silent.

"Tori, he's friends with Arthur. That's why he worked together with us in the first place. It's only natural for him to attend his friend's party. And we are Arthur's friends and colleagues, so we're attending, too. It's his birthday, so cheer up, okay?" She nudged my side. "I heard there'll be karaoke!"

I gave her a weak smile in return.

* * *

The cab pulled up in front of a cozy-looking pub and we got out, only to make a run for the door through the rain. Once inside, I felt relaxed. It was warm and noisy and I saw Hanna, Marie and Josh waving at us from the other side of the pub. Alice and I made our way over to them, hanging our coats up to dry. Josh thrust a cider into my hand and whistled at me.

"You certainly clean up nicely, Miss Addams", he drawled at me and kissed my hair, making me giggle. There once were rumors that the two of us were dating, but I knew for a fact that Josh was gay, and so did Hanna, Marie and Alice. Josh didn't care who knew about his preferences or not, but he thought it was funny to keep people guessing.

I leaned against his side and smiled at my friends, bathing in the comfortable atmosphere. I fought the urge to scan the room.

Arthur made his way over to us to greet us and we hugged and laughed and wished him a very happy birthday. "Thank you for inviting us!" I beamed at him.

He laughed. "Thank you for coming and celebrating with me! If you're hungry, just order something from the kitchen, will you? Oh and, as promised, there'll be karaoke later, so better cut back on any strong drinks!" We all shared a laugh and he went on his way to talk to the other guests.

I heard the door open and even though I stood with my back towards it, I knew it was him. The hair on my neck stood up and a shiver ran down my spine. Josh sensed my discomfort and hugged me to his side.

He made his way over to where we were gathered to hang up his coat. Old-fashioned, stylish, timeless… I caught a whiff of his cologne and it made me feel something.

"Good evening, lovely ladies and, of course, Josh. I hope you're enjoying your time here so far." They all agreed heartily and he hung up his coat to reveal dark jeans and a black shirt. He finally turned to me, gazing at Josh's arm at my waist so fleetingly, I almost missed it.

"Miss Addams", his voice falling in to a deep drawl, it almost sounded like a growl.

"Mr. Armitage", I said trying to keep my voice even.

He stared into my eyes and I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. He abruptly turned and left.

 **Leave me on the tracks**

 **To wait until the morning train arrives**

Stunned silence.

"What the hell was that?" Hanna burst out.

They were all looking at me. "If you want an answer to that question, I'd advise you to follow him and ask him." I emptied my cider and ordered a new one.

"I just don't get it. He's nice and civil to everyone… expect for you" Alice mused.

"No shit!" Josh chimed in and we all laughed, even me. What else was there to do?

My gaze followed him through the pub. He greeted everyone and smiled, sometimes even laughed. Seeing him so at ease and genuine with others made my insides ache. And in that precise moment I realized that I would give everything to know him in this particular way. I didn't know the cheery and laid-back side of him, the unguarded. It seemed to be reserved for everybody else, apart from me. I got the brooding and intimidating version of him and it confused me and frustrated me to no ends. It robbed me of my sleep.

This man left me feeling helpless… like hanging in the air.

 **Don't you dare look back**

 **Walk away**

 **Catch up with the sunrise**


	3. Cause this is torturous electricity

**'Cause this is torturous electricity**

 **Between both of us and this is**

 **Dangerous 'cause I want you so much**

While my friends kept talking and joking around, I just stood by their side and stuck to my bottle of cider, gripping it tight in my hands to keep my hands from shaking. My thoughts went back to the last time I had felt like this…

* * *

I stepped through the door and was immediately ambushed by the host's two children, a 4 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. I hung up my black heavy coat and knelt down to receive a big hug filled with childish laughter and warmth. I always loved gatherings at my boss' home. He brought his children to work with him at least once a week, if only for a few hours, but their presence improved the atmosphere immensely and I was always glad to hear a cute giggle here and there followed by a mild and maybe not so serious scolding. But here, they could plan all the mischief they wanted to and get away with it. Of course, they were sweet, albeit witty and sassy, but sweet nonetheless, so nothing majorly bad ever happened.

Having received my cuddling I got back up and greeted my boss who then led me into the wide and spacious living room. Everywhere were lit candles in various forms and sizes and the room was bathed in warm light. Glittering Christmas decorations were draped along the walls and on every free surface and the room buzzed with the voices of the other guests. As I walked by my colleagues to reach Marie and Hanna I got more than one compliment on my attire and hair, which I accepted with a sheepish grin and a quiet thank you. I never liked receiving too much attention.

Marie handed me a glass of wine and asked where Alice was.

"Oh, she's just ran back home quickly, she forgot her presents for the little ones. She did my hair and make-up, as you guys probably already guessed." I said chuckling. They both knew that I usually just wore mascara and nothing else on my face, so whenever I wore more than that, it usually was Alice's doing.

The chuckled in return and we clinked glasses and took a sip of the sweet red wine.

I let my gaze wander over the crowd and the room. I felt relaxed and the quiet music playing in the background soothed my nerves. I felt content that this evening would be a pleasant one. We talked about work and about the books we were currently reading (yes, I'm that kind of woman) until Josh arrived and told us about the cute little tea shop he passed on his way here. He handed me a small bag which contained some beautifully wrapped Earl Grey and I smiled and hugged him tight, closing my eyes and feeling thankful for my friends and colleagues.

When I opened my eyes, I met **his** gaze. Blue eyes bore into mine and I was stunned. I didn't see him before when I scanned the room and I had not been aware of his attendance at the party. His just kept on looking at me, his gaze never wavering and I felt my face getting hot. I was still in Josh's embrace and looking over his shoulder. I shot **him** a questioning look, but he just held my gaze. I had to break the stare and let go of Josh, mumbling a thank you. If any of my friends sensed the change in my behavior, none of them mentioned it. I told them I would put the tea next to my coat so I wouldn't forget it and sighed when I was alone in the entrance hall, hanging the bag next to the coat rack. I heard footsteps and glanced over my shoulder, freezing in my movements and staring at the man in the doorway. **He** was wearing a black suit, hands in his pockets and just looking at me. As soon as my brain caught up with the situation, I started walking towards the kitchen to my right briskly, when his voice stopped me.

"So you receive gifts before Christmas Day?" His voice was low, but I would never have missed it.

I halted in my movement, but didn't turn around to face him.

"It's tea. Earl Grey. Josh stopped at a new tea shop on his way here." I tried to make my voice sound steady at least. God knows why I thought I was accountable to him in any way.

What was it about this man and making me feel all shaken up every time he was in my presence?

I heard him advance another step. "Tell me, Miss Addams… You greeted every single guest in that room on your way to your… **friends** …" He pronounced the word as if it was something poisonous. "But you never greeted me. Why is that so? You just flaunt around the room, catching everyone's attention in that outrageously deep burgundy red dress, but never acknowledge me. Are you purposely trying to insult me or do I just simply not deserve your attention?" He was practically growling now.

A shiver ran down my spine and a tingling feeling started to bloom in my stomach. I was just taking a breath to reply to him, when the door b urst open and Alice came in, carrying the bag with the presents for the children and already shrugging out of her coat.

She saw me and smiled. "Thank God, Tori! Could you take the bag for a sec, please?" I took the bag from her, marveling at the size of the packages inside. She suddenly realized the presence of another person in the foyer and smiled at **him**. He took another two steps and shook her hand, wearing a smile on his face, the frown from before gone now.

"Glad to see you, Alice. I hope you had a pleasant drive up here?" He let go of her hand, standing right in front of her.

She smiled in return. "Yes, thank you, Richard. Are you enjoying the evening so far?"

"Yes, I am. The wine is exquisite and so is the company."

Alice giggled. She **giggled**. He smiled one last time at her and left for the living room once again.

Alice sighed and took the bag from my hands. "Man…those eyes should be illegal."

I huffed. "As should his mouth. Or rather, what comes out of it…"

She looked at me questioningly. "Did you just compliment his voice?"

I laughed. "Never!" She joined in on the laughter. "No, I mean his words. He practically accused me of ignoring him when I greeted everyone else. But I never saw him."

Alice just shrugged and we left to join Hanna, Marie and Josh once again.

I was just about to get another glass of wine when my boss approached me. "Miss Addams? I hope you don't mind, but Anthony, that little devil, mentioned your skills at the piano and our business guests from Asia would love to hear you play, so maybe you could play a short piece? I would be forever grateful." He smiled hopefully at me and I just laughed.

"Okay, I will do it… if I get a bottle of this delicious wine to take home with me later."

"Deal." My boss laughed and took me by the shoulder, steering me over towards the piano.

I sat down and thought about what to play… something 'easy' and flowing, nothing too long or complicated. Something beautiful… I caught **him** looking at me expectantly, one of his eyebrows raised and a weird expression on his face. I was lost in his stare yet again. I felt myself blushing and dropped his gaze, concentrating on my hands on the keys. I suddenly made up my mind and without any introducing words, I started playing.

Norwegian Beauty by Evelyn Stein was one of my favorite pieces at the time and the tunes and melody flowed easily from my hands. I closed my eyes from time to time and relished in the peaceful nothingness that I only encountered when playing a familiar piece of beauty. I forgot everything. Where I was, for whatever reason and who was with me. Until my hands played the last tune and I opened my eyes. Applause exploded and I got up, a bit shaky, and left the center of attention again as fast as I could. My boss gave me a thumbs-up and I took my glass back from Josh's hands.

He nudged me playfully. "I never knew you were that good with your hands, darling."

I exploded in laughter and so did the others. "Cheeky bastard…" I mumbled.

"Dinner is ready! The buffet is served!" A loud voice boomed and everybody started scrambling towards the kitchen and I only saw my friends' backs disappearing in the crown. Nice, just nice. As soon as food was involved, everybody fended for themselves apparently. I chuckled, remembering the last time someone brought cake to the office.

Black leather shoes on front of me. Shoes for male feet. Expensive looking leather shoes for male feet.

Oh.

 **He** cleared his throat.

"That was a beautiful piece you played back there." Why does he keep talking to me?

I looked up at his blue eyes expectantly and waited for the blow that always followed. How could such a beautiful mouth in such a beautiful face produce such phrases?

He licked his delicious lips. "I expect you did not write that one yourself…merely delivering someone else's work and earning praise for it."

I scowled at him. "Excuse me?" It was the first time his words angered me so much, he actually got a reaction from me.

He lifted his eyebrows and continued unfazed. "I was surprised that you indulged your boss' wish. You do not strike me as the kind of person to give other people what they desire." His eyes flashed dangerously. "But, as a result, being the center of attention must have been the right kind of motivation for you then."

My jaw dropped. How dare he?! My eyes became slits and I hissed venomously "I have absolutely no idea what your problem is. Or has been from the beginning, for that matter. But you have absolutely no right to talk to me in this way!"

He growled and took another step closer. We were practically face to face now, or rather my face to his chest with my head all the way back due to the big difference in height regardless of my shoes. He was just about to answer me, when his whole demeanor changed. He took two steps back, tension leaving his body and turned to leave. He murmured something along the lines of "Here comes your knight in shining armor…" and walked away.

I was left standing in shock until Josh softly touched my elbow and handed me a plate which I took with shaking hands, while trying to hide my flushed face due to anger, embarrassment or something else entirely…

* * *

"Hey Tori! You up for karaoke?!" Hanna's question shook me out of my reverie and I tried to muster a convincing smile while saying "Sure, why not?".

 **But I hate your guts**

 **I hate you**


	4. So leave me in the cold

_**Thank you so much for reading and I'm really sorry I took forever to update, but university is keeping me busy at the moment. Just handed in my first empirical study and (go figure) I chose a topic that nobody ever worked on, so that I couldn't just follow some already tried and well-proven technique... So much work.**_

 _ **Anyhow, I hope you still enjoy this chapter!**_

" _Hey Tori! You up for karaoke?!" Hanna's question shook me out of my reverie and I tried to muster a convincing smile while saying "Sure, why not?"._

I felt her grab my cold hand in her equally tiny one and tug me along towards the little stage next to the bar. I just barely had time to quickly thrust my bottle into Josh's hand, startling him in the process, before she whisked me away. I tried to slow her down a bit, tugging at her hand.

"Uhm, Hanna? What are you going to sing?" I asked sounding a bit nervous and biting my lip.

She stopped abruptly and looked at me with a devilish grin on her face. _Oh oh…_

"WE are going to sing 'Girl with one eye'…" Her eyes twinkled and I groaned in frustration.

"I sang that song with you _once_ at your brother's birthday party and I will never ever do that again. Sorry, but you're on your own there." I let go of her hand and put my hands on my hips.

There was absolutely no way I would sing that song with her tonight. I would maybe have considered to repeat our performance in a room full of friends, but not with so many colleagues present. And my boss. And _him_. I could still smell his cologne and the recent flash back to that Christmas dinner, once again, still had me a bit wobbly in the knees.

Understanding dawned on her face, but she chose not to voice her thoughts.

"I'm sorry… We could always sing something else…?" I smiled again, trying to make amends.

Hanna sighed and turned to the Karaoke guy next to the stage. "Hi, my name is Hanna" she smiled sweetly. _Heaven forbid she would ever not flirt with a blond guy…_ I suddenly wished for Alice's presence by my side. Hanna pointed at me "And this is Tori, Victoria… She'll sing first."

I gawked at her _. WHAT?!_

"What…?" I said aloud, the surprise evident in my voice and on my face.

Hanna looked at me as if I was insane. "What's that song you've been listening to on and off again the past few weeks? 'Landfill'…?"

I scowled at our friends at the other side of the bar. "Alice…"

Hanna laughed. "Yes, she told me. But only, cause she can't stand that song anymore, thanks to you and your…gloomy mood."

"I'm not in a gloomy mood!" I protested. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

She scoffed. "Yeah, sure… get your sweet little behind up there. Show must go on!"

I didn't move. I couldn't move. I could listen to that song all day thinking about _him_ BUT I couldn't sing it here in front of _him_!

Sensing my panic, Hanna held onto my arms. "It's okay, Tori. Your break up with Mike was almost 6 months ago, it's time to get it out of your system and move on."

Oh. So she thought my recent mood had to do with Mike? Did the others think so, too? Josh and Marie maybe, but Alice certainly not, she knew what was wrong…didn't she? She had made the connection that it had to do with a certain male specimen. A very frustrating male specimen.

Even if Hanna had the wrong person in mind for what was going on with me, she was right. I had to get it out of my system.

"Okay" I said.

Hanna clapped her hands enthusiastically and beamed at me. "Nice!"

I grabbed the microphone from the blond guy who seemed to be currently intrigued by the view of Hanna's cleavage. I rolled my eyes… But it got me thinking.

Maybe I was still down, because of what happened with Mike. His betrayal still hurt. The thought of him in our bed with another woman still stung. I had been a mess the first few weeks after I found out, but I had felt gradually better and could go on with my normal day to day life. Until 4 months ago, _he_ stepped into this normal life. Within the first week, he made me feel emotions I had never felt before, not even after what happened with Mike.

Attraction, denial, anger, frustration, longing, self-doubt, pain and desire. Most of the time all at once. How is that even possible? How could I feel insecure around him, but strong enough to finally get rid of all the things Mike had left behind? And that only two days after meeting _him_ , when Mike had left two months ago already?

I ascended the stage, microphone in hand and waited for the song to start. I looked over to my friends at the bar and Josh and Alice gave me a thumbs-up. The thought of Alice's impending frustration at what kind of song I'd be singing made me smile, if only for a moment.

My gaze drifted till it was met with the icy blue stare I was looking for. He was standing by the door at one of the party tables surrounding the tiny dancefloor in front of the stage with our boss, the host and some supervisors. They didn't have his attention however. The music started playing and I started singing.

 _ **Throw me in a landfill**_

 _ **Don't think about the consequences**_

I couldn't see any recognition in his eyes after the first two lines of the song left my mouth. But I heard a pretty clear audible groan of frustration and annoyance from Alice.

 _ **Throw me in the dirt pit**_

 _ **Don't think about the choices that you make**_

 _ **Throw me in the water**_

 _ **Don't think about the splash I will create**_

 _ **Leave me at the altar**_

 _ **Knowing all the things you just escaped**_

Still no recognition in his eyes… but curiosity, if I wasn't mistaken. He had put down his bottle of beer and fixed me with his stare. He appeared oblivious to the words our host, Arthur, was currently directing at him. I kept going, but tried to not look in his direction anymore.

 _ **Push me out to sea**_

 _ **On a little boat that you made**_

 _ **Out of the evergreen that you helped your father cut away**_

 _ **Leave me on the tracks**_

 _ **To wait until the morning train arrives**_

 _ **Don't you dare look back**_

 _ **Walk away**_

 _ **Catch up with the sunrise**_

The words of the song made me angry and, not unexpectedly, hurt me. I felt a pang of pain in my stomach and put my hand to my chest, staring at the wall on the opposite of the room. This was a bad idea… But I couldn't stop now. And from what I saw, my voice wasn't too bad, even though I was feeling like I'd have a mental breakdown any second now.

 _ **'Cause this is torturous electricity**_

 _ **Between both of us and this is**_

 _ **Dangerous 'cause I want you so much**_

 _ **But I hate your guts**_

 _ **I hate you**_

 _Don't look at him._

 _ **So leave me in the cold**_

 _ **Wait until the snow covers me up**_

 _ **So I cannot move**_

 _ **So I'm just embedded in the frost**_

 _ **Then leave me in the rain**_

 _ **Wait until my clothes cling to my frame**_

 _ **Wipe away your tear stains**_

 _ **Thought you said you didn't feel pain**_

I couldn't stop myself any longer and openly stared him in the eyes while repeating the chorus one last time. _I hate him, I want him._

 _ **Well this is torturous electricity**_

 _ **Between both of us and this is**_

 _ **Dangerous, 'cause I want you so much**_

 _ **But I hate your guts. I want you so much**_

 _ **But I hate your guts.**_

 _ **Well this is torturous**_

 _ **Electricity between both of us**_

 _ **And this is dangerous 'cause I want you so much**_

 _ **But I hate your guts**_

 _ **I want you so much but I hate your guts**_

The song ended, people clapped and he just stared at me. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I saw a flicker of emotion crossing his face. Pain? His left hand was clenched in a fist and his right hand clutched his beer bottle, knuckles white. Maybe it wasn't pain, but anger. Or contempt? As beautiful as his face was to me, it was a mystery just the same.

I gave the microphone to Hanna and quickly walked back to Alice, Marie and Josh, my gaze not leaving the ground until I reached them and was greeted with smirks on all three faces.

"Not one word…" I growled. I took back my bottle from Josh and emptied it in one swig. The hair on my neck was standing up and I felt a buzzing going through my body. I knew he was still looking at me, but there was no way I would turn around now or just look over my shoulder.

Josh, the little angel, tugged me under his arm and started talking about the new project at work. I slowly relaxed and enjoyed another hour of merriment until it was time for me to leave.

I grabbed my coat, said my goodbyes and left the bar looking for a cab. Once I sat inside the car, I slowed down. When I said good bye and good night to everyone, it was painfully obvious that he had already left and, apparently, none of us had noticed. Why had he left so early?

 _What the hell had just happened in there?_

I had practically bared my feelings to an entire bar of people, even though most of them probably just thought what an odd song I chose to sing on Arthur's birthday party. But he must have certainly realized the meaning behind the words. I suddenly felt foolish and stupid. And like crying.

My phone pinged with a new twitter notification. _He_ had tweeted something.

Yes, I followed him. What with his 207 thousand followers, I figured he'd never know.

 **RCArmitage: #songoftheevening 'Landfill' by Daughter. Tonight's little performance was something special #playingonrepeat**

 _I'm screwed._


End file.
